The deer in the field
were startled
by the first shot,
were you?
You in your pews
a thousand feet away
there
praying for sins
praying for life
while
gun club gunshots
rang in the holy morning,
frightened the deer
and the bobolink.
Or you, while
the tactical defense cleric
in police surplice
preached a safety sermon
to the congregation
there
from the sacred pulpit:
carry your faith
defend from evil
shoot to kill
all lives matter…
amen.
#30 – Vacation
It’s hard to be
come what may
on the last day
this gray area
between here
and there
every movement
with its purpose
with its label of last
instead of a careless toss
there is a careful folding
of what we thought to bring
and treasures found
the kneel to check for things
that one last time
feels like prayer
please, god,
let me have one more day
amen
Photo (Cape Cod, MA) & Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
#29 – What will make a bookmark…
I have a bookmark box.
(Do you?)
In it, a random set
of handmade helpers
who save pages for me,
say YOU WERE HERE
as a reminder.
(But I dogear, too, much to their chagrin.)
When not nearby
or in a pinch
a gum wrapper maybe or
ribbon
feather
fob
once, a pressed ginkgo leaf
often, a friend’s cross-stitch
sometimes, his father’s 3×5 notecards
from New Guinea c. 1936
most recently, a note from my host to please remove my shoes before climbing up the ladder to the loft where I read Mary Oliver by moonlight.
Photo (Cape Cod, MA) & Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
#28 – Camouflage
A lone spring peeper
disclosed its location
by chorus too soon
then disappeared —
so I hid behind
my walking stick
hoping to mimic a tree,
share in its secret song
one more time.
Photo (Cape Cod, MA) & Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
#28 – I saw a secret to share
it’s my secret
here
this wide beach
this wide, wild ocean
the wind, waves,
white caps
Whales!
(shhhhh!)
there, at the horizon
*p*
f
f
t
!
{ applause }
shhhh!
Whales!
Photo (Cape Cod, MA) & Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
JOY!
How does one not
clap for
JOY!
at the sight of
one
whale
breaching?
Photo (Cape Cod, MA) & Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
GODDESS OF MERCY & COMPASSION
the moon
at 3
whispered
I am here with you
cast its benevolence
danced
with the stars
above the
windowsill goddess
She pointing up
with great compassion
says her mercy
will not wane
together we bear
hardship —
here, let me help you…
Photo/Collage & Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
ROOM OF BOOKS
I live in a room
of books
their authors here
or gone
their final breaths
on my pages
remembered or
forgotten
is by luck
of the draw
their posterity
(and mine)
feat of might
or feast of mites
you decide.
Photo & Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
chills are a stress response
the wave hits
like a surprise
makes me
shiver
hug myself
as it takes
the ground
beneath my feet
leaves me
precarious
balancing
laugh?
cry?
start the day
no matter
there’s a
come and go
to everything
an ebb
and flow
remember?
Photo by Hrvoje Abraham Milićević, Pexels. Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
You Spin Me Right Round (for Earth Day)
From my window
all I need to know of Earth
this morning:
her ombré sky indecisive
her sun bold no matter
glowing green buds of spring /
that flash of red? a cardinal
who was singing just a moment ago
a duet like a record baby
spider spinning another masterpiece
as shadows fly across the lawn
they bob and weave and somersault
punctuated by
bee bee bee bee
the pond ripples with morning traffic
turtles and ducks and frogs
peep peep peep
while the trees in unison sing
Watch Our Here I Come!
Photo by Hrvoje Abraham Milićević, Pexels. Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
Surface Tension
what is the surface tension
of water that rises
before a storm
that great heave of breath
right
at
the
tipping
point
before breakwater
and beach
conceded the flood
what begets her
saturation point
when enough
is too much to bear?
Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
Lip Twitch (So Sayeth Dr. Google)
caffeine
specifically: caffeine intoxication
mixed brain signals
(i.e. pandemic, politics, Putin)
[insert opening scene from Jaws]
STRESS!
fight or flight!
fight or flight!
fight or flight!
drugsnarcotics
potassium deficiency
hormone deficiency
(fuck you menopause)
parathyroid
(paragliding accident?)
(guilty of too much paraphrasing?)
hemifacial spasm
Bell’s palsy
Trauma
Tourette Syndrome
Parkinson’s Disease
ALS
TUMOR!
“Takeaway: Lip twitching is normally harmless.”
Image: Mouth (Brigitte Bardot’s Lips) by Gerhard Richter. Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
Morning Respite from the Fray
Tempest at 3
with winds that
blew away dreams
but saved the tree
left us writing
by lamplight
and you
wanting to play —
how you love a good shadow
love the tease of a pen
on paper scratching —
until day broke
our moment
the beast arose
chased the tempest
back from the day
its tasks now swollen
and barely as sweet.
Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
One of a Thousand Lives
One sea gull drops its catch on the rocks
and I think there’s a poem in that
but only the names have changed
since I last wrote a poem about the
one sea gull, its catch, and those rocks
that can be seen from the house
I thought for sure we’d buy
when it was for sale,
the year I wrote that poem about
the sea gull, its catch, and rocks
There was room there for
his design studio
and my writing space
for my art supplies
and his art collection — mostly Cape Cod,
our shared heart space —
He knew the artists’ names
looked up the owners of our house
they were artists too
and that life oh that life
was as beautiful then as this morning
the seagull having breakfast on the rocks
and I, in starshine, nostalgic
Photo by Kunal Baroth/Pexels. Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
God: The Anthropocene Interview, Part I
I will miss
the birds most,
said God
when asked.
He, like all of us,
has been wondering
about things.
Wondering if a
pandemic
is natural cause
and effect, or
defense mechanism?
Wondering if evil
simply becomes itself,
or rises from the ashes
of what could have been?
Wondering how He
became the excuse
for so much violence
and unkindness?
Wondering what
“act of god” or
“mass destruction”
equates to a
serious reckoning?
Wondering why He
gave the most complex brain
to homo sapiens and not,
for example,
the osprey, the robin,
the starling, the crow?
Photo by Kunal Baroth/Pexels. Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
ON EASTER
It occurred to me
that an apt solution
might be to go sit
in a daffodil patch —
sink deep into the dirt,
commune with
the immortal blooms
that once grew
in Elysian fields,
become heaven myself,
rise to the occasion
or if not —
just return
again next year
hope a long sleep
yields sun
and sustenance.
Photo & Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
I’m sleeping with ghosts again —
my shapeshifters life savers
throw me a line in a dream
Here! Here!
they lie down beside me
curl into my spine
rest a hand, lend a shoulder
faces clear as always
voices, laughs
I know you.
They are my familiars
taking shape and form
as Comfort and Consolation
reminders
of love spent and saved
stored in a cupboard
with sheets —
eye holes to see me
clear as always
buoyant
in memories
Photo by Ron Lach/Pexels. Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
don’t save me from this morning
birdsong catches
at my hem this morning
pulls me into the light
I saw the light,
said the twenty-something
at the diner yesterday
I saw the light and I was saved
he used the word 8 times
while I ate my burger
saved from sins of the flesh
(irony there)
saved from celebrating too much
saved from loving too much
saved from seeing god
in the birdsong
that catches at my hem
Do you think Jesus was a vegeterian?
Do you think he danced with the disciples?
Made love? Oh! Holy! Night!
It’s sad to be so sure at 20 (so convinced)
leaves little room for magic
on mornings like this
and little room to dance
Photo & Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
DREAM 4.13.22
I rub his bare belly
like a Buddha
it’s smooth and firm
and warm
he laughs
as a secret
street lights
stop lights
moon light
shows a face
I shouldn’t see
and I wake
hot
and tangled
wondering
if it’s just good fortune
or an explanation
of more than
I can grasp
Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
Dashboard light tells me
tank empty, you’re out of gas
Dashboard light…you’re right
Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
NOT TODAY
There isn’t a poem today.
My mother bit it off
and chewed on it.
She hadn’t had her lunch,
She hadn’t slept well,
She was frustrated and angry,
today, last week, last year
when I was 15,
so she bit down hard
forgetting all of the idioms
the hands
the wolf
the bed
left me to tend to the wound
when I was 15,
last year, last week, today
I’m too tired to write a poem.
Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
HUZZAH! BROKEN PENCIL!
Broken Pencil M
agazine has been supporting zine culture and independent creative action for more than 25 years. Published four times a year, each issue of Broken Pencil features reviews of hundreds of zines and small press books, plus comics, excerpts from the best of the underground press, interviews, original fiction and commentary on all aspects of the indie arts. From the hilarious to the perverse, Broken Pencil challenges conformity and demands attention.
For all of those reasons and more, I was gobsmacked to see that MANIFEST (zine) was featured in their 25th Anniversary Issue! The cover of REFUGE, the quarantine zine, appears on page 38 – because, as they say, “the pandemic is the ultimate zine sourdough starter.”
Bon appétit and thank you Broken Pencil!
MEANT TO SHINE
For Max
in the yard
the flowers glow at night
you can follow the path of a snail
there’s fairy fire
in the old man’s crook
and sparks in the belly of a whale
in the sky
the sun does yeoman’s work
as it polishes half the moon
and the stars
they glimmer on for us
their facets roughly hewn
good heavens,
all the world’s afire
if we only take the time
to look up from our
whirligigs
and see the vast sublime
Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
Protego Totalum
When the healer asked at my illness
I explained
the permeable membrane
that is my heart space —
how compassion
and empathy have
always been allowed
free and unlimited egress
it is the mark of a good girl
a good daughter
a good sister
a good Catholic
to a fault, a good person
to a fault and this time
to a gait hobbled by the weight
by too much give, and not enough take
And so she prescribed for me
a Protego Totalum,
a silent incantation
complete with a swish and a flick
that seals up the leaks,
and saves the good for healing.
Poem ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
OVERNIGHT
It rained all night
and I sunk into dreams
so deeply, I left a worn spot
like deer in a meadow,
magic and memory
crushed beneath
a weary soul
weaving milkweed threads
for warmth,
the star a lantern
to light her path
to morning.
Poem & Photo ©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
THE MUSES KEPT KNOCKING
Not today, I told them
I don’t need what you’re selling.
I’ve got no pedigree,
I’m just a worker bee
and I don’t bow to the queen.
Not today.
But they wouldn’t let up.
So I let them in enough
to take a message —
a first line, a title, an idea.
Stuffed it all in a folder
and went on to other things.
Not today, I told them
I don’t need what you’re selling.
I don’t teach
I don’t preach
And I don’t have a voice.
Not one that counts.
So, not today.
But they wouldn’t let up.
I’m a fake.
It’s a mistake.
I don’t have what it takes.
No, no — not today.
But they wouldn’t let up.
Not at all, not once.
So I opened the door,
and the windows some more,
and out came my first poem in months.
Poem©2022, Jen Payne. Painting, Open Door, Brittany, by Henri Matisse. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
UNTETHERED
I am girl on the moon
present
and accounted for
you even see me sometimes
half the time
but I lose footing
more often than I should
feel weightless
meaningless
not much holds me fast
keeps me in place
things come and things go
round and round
round and round
but I suppose we’re all spinning
these days
find ourselves on the dark side
watching for something to hold onto
Poem©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
LOST PLEASURES
the view from room 217 as the sun rises
her laugh
the longevity of certain conversations
and certain daydreams
silence
the fact that he knew how to cook (ribs)
and our Sunday mornings
the nostalgia of comfort foods and ample wine
how she understood me with a nod
the shade of pines after the first hill
(before the storm)
being unreachable, there
or anywhere
things to believe in
belonging
Poem©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
SCREEN PORCH SOLO
My cat on the screen porch
is meyowling sing-song
with the birds,
a chorus of Cardinal
and Crow and Grackle
Jay, Jay, Jay
and Lola…
Meyowwwwl
Meyowwwwl
Meyowwwwl
It’s spring fever on the screen porch
and she in a sunbeam spotlight
plays center stage.
Poem©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
LOOK, UP IN THE SKY…
It was hard to miss,
though I did wonder
if anyone else
saw in awe
the two turkeys
up in a tree
their awkward
balancing act
on the finger-thin
branches,
the safety dance
of neck and wings
the fulcrum legs
as their resting spot
swayed
and they stayed
the night
safe from all
but my curious sight.
Poem©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
ENCHANTRESS
I have watched her dance
watched her lose herself in a song
among the crowd
on a wet city street
seen her cry
dream
soar through the clouds
guided by only a voice
the rain
a song
a beat
a heartbeat
magic
Poem©2022, Jen Payne. Photo by Heloisa Vecchio on Pexels.com. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
THE SCIENCE OF WOMEN
There are small pink marks
softened with age
that only she will recognize,
knows how they adhere to time
and memory and this odd, shared path.
She has seen me as no one else —
vulnerable, prone, afraid —
allowed trust and autonomy
to dance even step with
training and science.
Partners,
she ages with me now
gray for gray and line for line,
our nods of knowing
the flash, the sweat,
the weight of it all,
speak more than we ever have
in these brief encounters
these long precarious years
of waiting and watching
tell-tale scars fade.
Poem©2022, Jen Payne. #NaPoWriMo, National Poetry Month. If you like this poem, you can read similar in my books and zines, available from Three Chairs Publishing on my ETSY SHOP. They come autographed, with gratitude and a small gift.
Happy WWW Wednesday! New here on Random Acts of Writing, WWW Wednesday is a weekly blog meme hosted by Taking on a World of Words. The three W’s are simple:
• What are you currently reading?
• What did you recently finish reading?
• What do you think you’ll read next?
Thanks to Rae Longest at Powerful Women Readers for sharing this fun new blog theme!
So here we go…feel free to post your own WWWs in the comments below!
What are you currently reading?
Beasts of a Little Land
by Juhea Kim
“An epic story of love, war, and redemption set against the backdrop of the Korean independence movement, following the intertwined fates of a young girl sold to a courtesan school and the penniless son of a hunter.”
I’m taking my time with this one, holding on tightly to the separate stories that are dancing around each other from page to page.
What did you recently finish reading?
Maus I: A Survivor’s Tale: My Father Bleeds History
Art Spiegelman
“A brutally moving work of art—widely hailed as the greatest graphic novel ever written—Maus recounts the chilling experiences of the author’s father during the Holocaust, with Jews drawn as wide-eyed mice and Nazis as menacing cats.”
Truth be told, I am not a fan of the graphic novel approach — but this book got so much press after it was banned by a Tennessee school board, I was curious and felt compelled to read it.
What do you think you’ll read next?
What Do People Do All Day?
Richard Scarry
“An illustrated panorama of the animals of Busytown at work, describing the occupations and activities of many of her citizens through detailed drawings with labels indicating processes and equipment used as they perform their jobs.”
Research for the next issue of my zine, MANIFEST (zine), I can’t wait to revisit a favorite illustrator and favorite characters from my childhood. Who could resist?
A woman takes a knee by the side of the road thinks: “Surely the Mourning Cloak I spied this morning is mourning. Having surveyed our condition from its higher vantage point, it must wonder, as I do, if the storm that fell so many trees, that destroyed this holy place, did so on purpose. Barring us from passage. Asking us who we think we are, as Frost wrote, insisting always on our own way so. Our own way. God help us. Who DO we think we are…littering these open spaces with our trash, leaving our detritus and dog shit behind? Dragging our noisy selves and our machineries along paths as if we have some lofty right? Infesting the woods with our toxic nature, our assumed religions, our fabricated joy? Infesting the world with our opinions, our politics, our petty, pathetic proclivities? Insisting on our own way and ever ignorant of the ripple effect, the consequences?”
A woman takes a knee by the side of the road — butterfly, startled, flies away, a world away a world dies — and we think she is praying.
A 100-WORD STORY
My first family was soft and warm, and covered me with enough love and affection to keep my heart hopeful for decades. My second family was threadbare, though, worn down so much that it hardly covered the dysfunction anymore, left me sick and unable to breathe. My third family fell apart at the seams. My fourth has been a patchwork of cotton and corduroy — thin in places, strong in others, woven together over time and enough to pull up to my chin, close my eyes and remember the little girl skipping, blanket always in tow, her Mom and Dad laughing.
©2022, Jen Payne.
Twelve pop art Cakes by Wayne Thiebaud to celebrate TWELVE YEARS of blog posts here on Random Acts of Writing. Thank you for your ongoing attention, support, and likes.
“In a time of destruction,” say author Maxine Hong Kingston, “create something: a poem, a parade, a community, a school, a vow, a moral principle; one peaceful moment.”
And so we persist. With love and gratitude,
Jen Payne
March 13, 2022
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