Dad, Guess What!

On the 20th Anniversary of Your Death I can almost hear the sound of the mailbox, feel the gravel driveway beneath my feet as I raced inside to call you. “I got accepted to…” I squealed, so excited to share the little successes as they arrived 30 years ago, before college, graduation, the accident. There […]

Scrabbling

F…..A…..M…..I…..L…..Y She spells it slowly, smiling, as if she’s landed on a triple-word score. But the letters spit out like broken teeth after a tough fight. “We are, aren’t we?” she asks in the same tone she uses for “I was a good MOTHER, wasn’t I?” and “You do LOVE me, don’t you?” There is […]

To Actually Be Present

A friend and I were talking over lunch last week about life and health, work and family. “Best to make the most of it,” I said. “You could get hit by a bus tomorrow,” she added with a smirk. We do smirk when we say that, don’t we? As it leaves our lips, it seems […]

On Your Birthday

Very often I walk alone, and Wednesday was no different. The morning was perfect — you would have loved it — so I stepped away from the day-to-day I know you knew so well, and went for a walk before noon. I was sorry no one joined us — but I celebrated quietly, my memories […]

Sensory Memory

The cracker in cellophane from the diner tastes like age eleven, and I think of her— “Grammy” — sitting next to me dunking Saltines into Salada tea with milk and sugar. I hear the chirp of her hearing aid, smell Vicks and Vasoline, feel the softness of her cheek against my lips. • • • […]