Asking for Directions: Part 2

“Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to do next?” I ask the Universe. “Stop being afraid and shut up,” She tells me. It’s “shut up” in a kind way, don’t get me wrong. (She sounds Yiddish, actually.) And I know what She means. Even I get tired of the […]

Asking for Directions: Part 1

When I was young I would pray for silly things: that I could stay up late to watch TV, that we would have pancakes for breakfast. I also prayed a lot for boys—make him love me, make him not leave. I prayed for world peace, because that’s what you did. And I prayed for my […]

A Rather-Be Day

I’d rather be… walking wandering napping dreaming eating pizza or pasta or chocolate cake reading driving (and singing) writing making art making love • • • Photo of the art room where I’d rather be today…by Jen Payne.

The Things I Didn’t Say (this week)

I’m sorry, I don’t want to work with you. You drank the Kool-Aid, didn’t you? I wouldn’t be this person if it wasn’t for you. I had a dream I kissed you. It’s a pyramid scheme, stupid. Do you know how lucky you are? It’s not about the money. Please take care of yourself. I […]

The Gee Why Em

“Something’s wrong,” I said to a friend of mine, as I stared, slightly bemused, at my computer screen. I was going away for the weekend, and researching the hotel online. “Oh no, what?!?” she asked dramatically, looking around for whatever had just fallen out of alignment. “The first thing I thought was They have a […]

*Cat with Zucchini

The voluptuous Emily with bodacious late-summer squash. • • • Photo by Jen Payne. *Copies of The Old Age of El Magnifico by Doris Lessing can be purchased here.

This just in.

Emailing a friend this morning, exchanging thoughts on writing being published being an artist death, bad poetry and confidence. Big steps. Baby steps. Steps in…oops. “I don’t know what the next step is,” I confess. “Next steps seem to take care of themselves better if nobody watches them too closely,” he reassures me. He always […]