Fear Warranty

What if…
the salesman suggests

then lists the potentiality
of calamities that could befall
the unsuspecting —
or those of us not inclined
to heed his warnings.

Why, for a mere $7,000 extra
one could be spared:

lost keys
door dings
small dents

expensive and time consuming body shop repairs
and your completely inadequate insurance coverage

ubiquitous road hazards and associated damage to rims and tires
(holds up jar of menacing metal objects for effect)

mechanical failures not included in the 160,000 miles of warranties and paperwork

malicious car thieves and horrific, crippling traffic accidents

bird waste
acid rain
tree sap
decaying insects
road de-icing materials
vandalism from spray paint
UV damage

ice cream dropped by small children

Apocalypse
Armageddon
and the second coming of Christ

Yes, for only $3.84 a day — the cost of a cup of coffee, but don’t spill it — you can drive your new car anywhere…

without a care in the world.

Poem ©2019, Jen Payne. Image: Four Horsemen of Apocalypse, Viktor Vasnetsov

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