Out in the World

“What do I want to put out there?” I find myself asking as I putter around the house this morning. The gray and rain have given me permission to keep close to home, so I am housekeeping—dishes, laundry, organizing thoughts.

“What do I want to put out there?”

A three-hour car ride on Thursday allowed space for the final words of story I’ve been working on for five years. It’s done. Almost. It’s beautiful and exciting and…true. But, is that what I want to put out there—raw and honest words? Just like that?

An email arrived this week from the DailyOm, a website of inspirational articles and ideas. “We all have a story to tell,” it said, “allow yourself to be heard.”

Often, these emails arrive like magical messages. Angels whispering in my ear: this is what we want you to know and learn and think about today.

I’ve been invited to display my writing at a local Festival, and I think “What do I want to put out there?” As if these words here, on the world-wide web, are somehow private and unshared.

“When we hide and try to be invisible and unseen by all we are only really hiding from ourselves,” whispered the DailyOm in a second message this week.

Layers and layers have fallen away these past five years: who I pretended to be, who I thought I needed to be, who I thought I was supposed to be. But here, close to home, who I am now is familiar. Authentic.

Ah! But out there? Published? Displayed? Suddenly I am grabbing for masks and wanting to edit myself more than I ever would as I putter around the house gathering words.

Straightening. Straightening. I turn the page in an opened book and read: “You need to know where you are coming from to make authentic your efforts out in the world.”

In answer to my question, no doubt. A whisper dropped into my morning.

• • •

• daily emails: Daily Om
• open book: We’Moon 2011 Gaia Rhythmns for Womyn

6 thoughts on “Out in the World

  1. ah! this is another one of your very best posts! great photo, too, as one reflects on the situation and try to perceive an answer by peering into the murky depths… perfectly paired

    as for the “trying to hide and be invisible and unseen” issue – it’s a lot of work and in the end we really are just hiding from ourselves – that rings true for me – thanks for the reminder

    we must learn to trust ourselves – create something and then let it go on its merry way

    On detachment:
    “The worker… must hold himself free as much as he can from identifying himself with that which he has created or has attempted to create. … By premature speech and too much talk, he slays that which he has attempted to create, the child of his thought is still-born.”
    – Ponder On This, from the writings of Alice A. Bailey and the Tibetan Master, Djwhal Khul (Lucis Publishing Co.)

    1. Thanks TJ – love that you follow along with me here! And you’re right, it does come down to trusting ourselves, right? And really, if we can’t be “this person” in our own world, where can we?

      Love the quote on detachment – more to think about on this lovely rainy morning!

  2. Worth the price of admission to hear you say ” more to think about on this lovely rainy morning!” —
    I hadn’t thought it lovely at all, but you make me pause —

    Also worth the price: the reflection of you — reflecting —

    “What do I want to put out there?”
    The quintessential writer’s question. I’ve been there, agonized over it, ultimately answered:
    Everything.
    Me.
    And did.

    Sounds simple in hindsight, but wasn’t at all simple then. It felt like stepping off the edge of the earth.
    You know something, though, Jen? You might as well. Because that’s what you have to give.

    Anyway, keep us Posted!

    1. It does seem to be THE question. It’s funny to me that I’ve gotten used to my words here – in this blog. But all of a sudden, in a new venue with a new audience? ACK! I get all self-censoring. What’s THAT about? Like you said – stepping off the edge of the earth!

      (it is, by the way, another “lovely” rainy morning – will you get to enjoy it?)

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