Something More Important Than Fear

On a sunny afternoon in April 2001, I landed uneventfully at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport in Texas. I remember the moment vividly because I was supposed to be dead.

While I had flown before, that was the first flight I had taken by myself…and I was terrified. So much so, actually, that I had left a Will on my desk at home. So much so, I had not moved from my seat, had not moved at all, since the plane left the ground five hours earlier. I was so full of fear that the plane would crash, I had not even thought about what I would do when it landed.

So there I was, in Austin, on vacation, and I didn’t know what to do next. I was supposed to be dead.

It’s been 10 years since that flight. And while even I giggle at the thought of being SO afraid—I love flying now—it still serves as example of how fear can interfere.

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Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. — Brendan Francis

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On my most recent trip to Texas, I found myself face to face with fear again. Toe to toe, actually…

We were driving south on Route 166, on the back loop of a scenic drive through the Davis Mountains, when we came upon a herd of horses along the side of the road.

I’d been dreaming of horses for several months, and had been trying to find a way to connect with one. There are two beautiful horses near the nature trail I walk, but they are never roadside when I am. I had hoped to see some at the Big E fair this fall, but only saw goats. And then there they were—a dozen horses roaming in a wide-open field as we drove by.

We stopped, and DeLinda the Brave ventured over to the fence for a visit.

I did not.

Between me and them were ten feet of tall grass. And I was pretty sure there were some tarantulas and rattlesnakes hiding there in that tall grass. I’d seen the signs.

Granted the signs were at a nature center 100 miles ago, and included quail and roadrunner “crossings” as well as tarantulas. But like they say, “it’s the thought that counts.”

And really, when it comes to fear? It IS the thought that counts!

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“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. – Ambrose Redmoon

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So there I was—a dream standing just feet away. A dream, and all that stood between me and it were a few feet of menacing grass.

“You’ve been wanting to see horses,” I reminded myself.
“You can’t miss this amazing chance!”
“You don’t know for sure that there are spiders, but you know there are horses.”
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”
“Just DO IT!”

And then there I was…at the fence.

And then there I was…up close and personal with this wonderful gathering of majestic creatures. They were so tall, larger than I thought, and their eyes were as big as my fists. They felt strong, and warm from the sun. They made soft noises, talking amongst themselves with much curiosity. Like us, there were brave ones who came right up to the fence; and there were some timid ones who stood cautiously a few feet away.

DeLinda and I stayed with them for a while, then made our way back to the car. They watched us from the fence, all of them standing in a row as we drove away. I got the feeling they were as happy for the chance—the gift—as we were!

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“Always do what you are afraid to do.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Photos ©2010, by Jen Payne and DeLinda Fox.